This is the best worst idea ever...
Shine.
Greetings friends!
Much to my father's disappointment, I never really was that handy of a guy. My dad is the exact opposite, kind of a cross between a master carpenter and MacGiver. If you are able to dream it, he is able to build it. I, on the other hand, have difficulty assembling Ikea furniture so as to be structurally sound. It's a bit embarrassing.
One thing I do know from any kind of handy work is that I make life substantially more difficult on myself when I try to use the wrong tool for the job. You know, when you find a flat head screw that needs to be removed and you think to yourself "My keys could do that!" Or when there's a nail that needs to be driven, and you try to hammer away with a wrench, because it's the closest thing. Most of these mistakes are born out of laziness, but they all have the same result on your project. You'll be there for hours, and probably in for a lot of cursing.
I've been thinking about that a lot as I've been reading social media in the wake of the events of the last few weeks. Orlando. Baton Rouge. Minnesota. Dallas. Nice. Turkey. Even the most optimistic person would have to agree that we have seen our fair share of darkness lately. Our world feels a good bit like it's ripping apart at the seems. It seems like we're all huddled around wondering what the next tragedy is going to be. We're scared. We're angry. We're devastated. We're human.
Being a pseudo-millenial, I spend way too much of my time on the internet when these tragedies occur, and the dialogue is just absolute crap. A bunch of folks have run towards politics, trying to blame this party or that party for the situation that we're in. A bunch of folks see how other's are responding, and assume that the only correct way to go about things is to take up the other side. People are wading into terribly complex situations with 140 character posts that aren't fit for the deep end of the pool in which we find ourselves swimming. I've gone back and forth countless times, considering leaving the internet all together and embracing a simpler time when we all lived in tents and let our beards get big.
But as I thought about it, the truth of the situation hit me. The reason social media is bothering me so much is that everyone is using the wrong tool for the job. First of all, social media itself might not be the right tool, but that's not even what I'm really talking about. Politics, for as much as they are a handy tool sometimes, are not the tool that is going to solve the darkness. Gotcha games and trite sayings are not the tool that is going to solve the darkness. Whining, complaining, and finger pointing are not going to solve the darkness. Debate, rhetoric, and speeches are not going to solve the darkness. Protests and rallies are not going to solve the darkness. Guns are not, and likely will never solve the darkness. Neither will gun control. Are you with me yet? We're using the wrong tools for the job.
The only way to dispel the darkness is with light.
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” -John 8:12
What has come into being in him was life,[a] and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. -John 1:3-5
And then, not to put too fine a point on it, Jesus reminds us of our place:
14 “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:14-16
Yes, the world is dark. But you were never called to make a Facebook post about it. You were never called to a political position. You were never called to a particular form of an argument. You were never called to smack down someone else's argument. You were called to shine a light. You were called to remind the world that no amount of darkness will outshine the light of Christ. We were called to proclaim to the world the great love that drowns out all the fear and anger and hate the world has to offer. We were called to so much more than we're living up to.
So my question these last few days has been whether or not I'm shining light in the darkness. I admit, I'm nowhere near perfect at this. I could do much better. But at least with that question as a starting point, I know where I'm going. I know where the compass is telling me I ought to go. And I'm even better when I remember that I don't produce any light of my own, that actually all I can do is reflect the light of Christ.
So, are you shining a light in the darkness?
Justice.
Hello again friends,
This is a post that has been on my mind for a little while now, but I had the hardest time trying to get right. I had a hard time trying to get it right because for as much as certain people would want you to believe otherwise, our country is in a very complicated, very difficult time. There are no easy answers. There are no one size fits all solutions. So a blog post doesn't seem adequate to the task, and yet a blog is all I have.
A few days ago, Twitter started buzzing with this video of a young man who was shot while being detained by police officers. Twitter had a video of a man losing his life. You could watch it happen. I'll be honest, I didn't want to watch. I would rather just keep going about my day and not be bothered. How could I possibly watch a man's life end on my computer screen. But after a day or so, I convinced myself that it was important to watch, to witness injustice so I knew better how to speak out against it. It was, of course, unsettling. I sat in my study at home and trembled for a little while. How could this happen? How is something like this going on in my own nation?
And then, almost as quickly as I had watched that video, another surfaced. This time it was a video of a young man who had been shot during a traffic stop because he had a gun. Legally. He had paper work and everything, in fact it's been reported that he was reaching for the paperwork to show the officer who had pulled him over when the officer shot him. Two videos in two days of young, African American men losing their lives at the hands of police officers.
Now, what happened next seemed both completely predictable and shocking all at the same time. Facebook erupted with posts about the situation, with some folks lining up behind the Black Lives Matter movement and suggesting that perhaps young African Americans don't need to die at the hands of police officers, and other folks lining up behind law enforcement, saying that All Lives Matter and that BLM should stop stirring up trouble. I starred again at my screen in disbelief at our nation's inability to have a decent conversation around all of this.
And then Dallas happened. A man with some pretty evident mental health issues opened fire on police officers who had gathered to keep the peace around some Black Lives Matter protests. 5 officers dead. A bunch more wounded. This event did several things to be sure, but what it did super well was further cement certain people into certain view points.
When I take all of this in, I really want to run and hide. I really want to believe in a world where violence does not exist. I really want to believe in a world where we don't judge people based on the color of their skin, but rather as Dr. King put it on the content of their character. I want to believe in that world. I just don't live in it yet.
If I learned anything at Seminary, I learned my actual job description. Sure, I have tasks and duties at the church I work for, but I have one real job description. It's my job to preach the Gospel. It's my job to proclaim light in the midst of darkness. And so I feel the need to take a few moments to speak into darkness, and remind us all that there is in fact light in the world.
For starters, Black Lives Matter. It is, as I have learned, completely unhelpful to suggest in the midst of everything that is going on that All Lives Matter. There are countless good articles on this (as well as some really terrible ones) floating around the internet, but this one is really great. The long and short of it my friends is that we have a problem with race in this country. Trying to pretend it isn't there won't help. Trying to down play it's size won't help. Pretending that other people have a race problem, but we're really quite good doesn't help. Really pretending in any way, shape, or form doesn't help. I have needed to come to terms with the fact that as a heterosexual white man, I have never walked into a room where I needed to explain myself. I know plenty of people for whom that is not true. We have a problem, and it needs to be addressed. We as Christians need to come alongside our African American brothers and sisters and with them proclaim loudly that their lives do in fact matter, that the killing needs to stop. Jesus reminded us that he would be with those who were in the most distress, the least of these he called them. I have no doubt that Jesus stands with the African American community right now, as they try to sort out where to go next and how to make the world better. And I want to be where Jesus is.
But then comes the other side of the coin. My problem with social media's response to this week's news is that there is an assumption that there are sides to this issue. I bet you at least a dollar someone read this post up until this point, saw all that I had to say about Black Lives Matter, and left in a tizzy assuming I was anti-law enforcement. Hear this friends: not every issue has two sides. In fact, very few do. It is possible to believe that Black Lives Matter and at the same time recognize the incredible sacrifice that law enforcement officers make on a daily basis. I can still be amazed that these brave men and women charge into situations every day without knowing what cost it will have for them or their families. Everyone they meet could be armed. Everyone they meet could be out to get them. Everyone they meet could want to hurt them. And this is the job they signed up for! OF COURSE our police officers deserve respect, love, and affection. Of course the actions of the few do not speak for the many. Absolutely of course no officer deserves to die at the hands of a mad gunman. Support and encouragement is rarely a zero sum game. Supporting the Black Lives Matter movement does not mean I have less support to give the police officers to fight for truth and justice. I can, and I hope I will, support them both wholeheartedly in the days and weeks to come, and hope you will too.
You see, when we retreat into our corners, when we pick a position to defend, we're too busy defending to build. The beautiful part of the Christian story is that God is building a Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, and has invited us to participate alongside. The beautiful part of the Christian story is that the world I dream for, where violence is a thing of the past, is an actually realizable goal. I think what we're witnessing now is the result of too many people setting down the tools of kingdom building in exchange for the tools of politics and rhetoric. I think what we're witnessing now is what happens when too many servants bury their talents (Matthew 25). I think what we're witnessing now is anti-Kingdom.
If we're willing, you and I can turn the tide on this. If we're willing to set aside politics and rhetoric, willing to get out of our corners, willing to un-trench ourselves from the only choices the world hands us, things will get better. We've mourned. We've wailed. We've wrung our hands. And all of that was appropriate. But now is the time to bring in the kingdom. Now is the time to build something better from the ashes of disaster. Now is the time to let Justice roll down.
Who's with me?
Music for your morning.
So far, I'm really enjoying Switchfoot's new album Where the Light Shines Through. I'll have a bigger, more comprehensive review of it here on the J-Blog soon. But for now, stop what you're doing and dance to this song!
A book update.
Greetings friends!
I've been kind of absent from the blog, I know. But at least this time I have an excuse! You see, as I've mentioned before in posts, I've been writing a book.
Even as I write that, the demons in my head start screaming. "Who would ever read something you wrote?" they demand. I then gently remind them that the topic of the book is how to be a messed up Christian, and how the grace of God works even in the most spectacularly messy lives, of which I am an expert. Then they usually make fun of me for not going to the gym, but that's something else.
The first few weeks of sitting down to write were incredibly surprising. Usually when I have an idea for a book, I pour a whole lot of effort into Chapter one, feel really proud of myself, and then quit. But two weeks into sabbatical, I had written four of the twelve chapters I have planned for this book. I was on fire!
Then two weeks ago happened.
Ah, yes. The writer's curse. I don't want to call it writer's block. That makes it feel like I sat around a blank computer screen un able to come up with any ideas. I had ideas. I've had ideas for a long time. The book is planned, outlined, and thought through. What was happening was everything I was writing made me want to vomit all over my computer screen. It was so bad, I questioned whether something worth while would ever come off my fingers on to the keyboard again. The number of word documents I started then stopped was staggering. I started to worry about finishing on time.
But then my father in law actually offered up some good advice. He suggested I change my tactics a little bit, and try writing the book by hand. Apparently there are studies that suggest that if you write something out by hand, you're more open and more creative than you are when you're just typing away. Sure enough, he was right. Tonight I spent the night writing a chapter out by hand, and loving it. Then I moved over to the computer to more permanently document what I had written, and some editing happened on the fly to make things even snappier. I'm back baby! 5 chapters down, 7 to go.
I can't wait for you all to read this! Keep your eyes here on the J-Blog for updates and (hopefully) a release date in the near future.
Sabbatical So Far Week Four...or Three...I lost count.
Greetings friends!
While that image above is not me, it is very much representative of my attitude this last few weeks. Remember when you were a kid, and summer vacation would happen, and you would completely lose track of what day it really is? I am so there. I have been slowly picking away on some projects, doing some work around the house, horsing around with the boys. But mostly, I have been getting to know my best friend Netflix, and her chum Hulu.
I have been working pretty consistently on the book, and the shocking words in that sentence are "consistently" and "work." But for real, I can't wait to share it with you all. Usually I only get the first chapter of any project that flashes through my head done, before my attention turns to whatever cat gif the internet has to offer me next. But as we speak I've got 4 chapters completely written, and a few more started. Yesterday was the roughest day a writer will have with any consistency, that being the day where you set aside your normal writing time but decide to spend it banging your head against the keyboard.
Luckily, there have been surprisingly few of those days in this project. I think I may actually be able to meet my deadline and have a manuscript ready by the end of the summer. Of course, stay tuned here for more information!
I am also starting to rethink what the J-Blog is going to be like in the future. I want to keep this guy going, but I need to figure out what that looks like in the face of my writing for the Westminster blog, along with all of my other projects. Do I write about politics? Christian faith? Bikes? Hockey? Haircuts? All of the above? I'm not sure yet. But if you have a suggestion or two to toss my way, leave it in the comments below. Otherwise, you leave the fate of this blog in the hands of a guy who's biggest accomplishment this week was summoning the strength to get dressed and get a haircut.
Happy fourth everyone!
I want one.
Sabbatical So Far Week Two: Already Behind!
Hello friends!
My goal to update everyone on my sabbatical on Mondays has already fallen apart. Yikes! I guess when you have nothing but endless vacation on your hands you lose track of time. Let's see what I did this week:
- On Wednesday, Keith came up from DC and we went to the Stanley Cup victory parade. I am still kind of in shock that our Pens won the cup. Never would have predicted that in November!
- On Sunday, I traveled to West Virginia to preach at my good friend Justin Bower's church. I'm glad I did on so many levels: for one, that is an awesome church with awesome people and it was great to get to know them. Also, I realized there's going to be more than a little dust to shake off when I do go back to work, so writing a sermon or two over the summer isn't such a bad idea.
- Speaking of writing, most of what I did this last week involved writing for the new book. Usually when I have a book idea in my head, I write chapter one, get frustrated, and quit. This time around, I'm up to three chapters written, with the rest of the chapters at least outlined. Might we actually see a Jason Freyer jam this fall? Stay tuned!
- And a vast majority of my time, and the most valuable of my time, has been spent watching those two knuckle heads pictured above. Sarah picked up some extra hours this week, so I've been a stay at home dad, goofing around and playing with the boys. It's been an absolute blast!
So that's what I'm up to. Much more to follow later! Thanks for hanging with the J-Blog!
Sabbatical So Far Week One: The Top
Greetings!
I want to try to keep folks updated on what I've been up to on my Sabbatical this summer. I think most of you know that I am a generally optimistic guy, but I think I can safely say that there's no way on earth the second week is going to be as good as the first one. Let's take a look, shall we?
This week I:
- Graduated and put a 10 year degree behind me.
- Celebrated that graduation with nearly every friend I've ever had.
- Won two awards from the seminary I wasn't expecting.
- Delighted in watching my boys be baptized at the Bridge.
- Purchased a new bike.
- Used said new bike to have the best MS 150 ride I've ever put down.
- Spent way more time with my crazy good looking and fun to be around sons.
- Spent way more time with my crazy good looking and fun to be around wife.
- Finished 16 pages of the new book.
- Watched the Penguins win the Stanley Cup.
Yes, week two has some potential. But There's no way it can top all that! But let's see what we can work out!
Grace and peace,
J
Twinsanity Episode One: Here.
Greetings friends!
Throughout the year I have posted moments of fatherhood, both insightful and humorous, on the Book of Faces. Many have suggested that these become their own blog about fatherhood. This is a good idea, but I already have a blog! And so with the kind of regularity that you've come to expect from any J-Blog series, I introduce you to TWINSANITY: A look into the lifestyle of a father of twins. Laugh along and enjoy!
For the first 5 months of my boy's existence, I felt a good bit like and absentee father. I was working a full time job. I was trying to be ordained in the Presbyterian Church. I was studying at the seminary. I was over committed. The majority of the time that I spent with the boys was late at night, offering bottles to a semi-awake child from a semi-awake father. Sarah would text me throughout the days and tell me all the awesome things the boys were learning to do. Josh smiled for the first time. Julian discovered the fuzzy dogs in our house. The dogs learned that both boys taste delicious and are deserving of a tremendous licking. And I missed it all.
When I did get time alone with the boys, it was always super frustrating because they were always super fussy. Sarah would tell me about these magical kids that never stopped giggling, never stopped smiling, always made her laugh. I wondered if she was switching the kids out each night when it was my turn to watch them. They would cry and scream and fuss and kick, and that usually led to me crying and screaming and fussing and kicking. It was an extra layer of stress in an already way-too-stressful season.
When seminary came to a close, almost immediately I had an entire day with the boys. And it was marvelous! They were totally content. They were all smiles. They were giggling. They were delightful. We had plenty of adventures. We took a trip to my parents. We went to the mall. We hung out in the Starbucks. Through it all, there was no fuss.
As we came home that night and I was reflecting on what was different, it occurred to me what should have been obvious all along. I was finally present with the boys. Sarah and I noticed quickly that the boys pick up quickly on our general attitudes. I'm convinced that even at 5 months of age, these boys could tell I wasn't giving them 100% of me. I was somewhere else. I was here, but in my head I was writing the next paper. I was feeding them, but in my head I was reflecting on the work that awaited me the next morning. I was here, but I wasn't here. When I could set aside all the distractions, and have a day where these two beautiful dudes were my sole point of focus, we had a great day. That can't possibly be a coincidence.
This summer I'm off of everything. I have no more school to go to. I have a sabbatical from work at Westminster. I get to be...present. But the tricky part will be when things fire back up in the fall. Of course I will have stressful days. Of course there will be times my mind wants to wander. Of course I will have moments where I am here...but I'm not here. My hope and prayer is that the lessons of this seasons will spark something new in me. My hope is that when I am with my boys, I am 100% with my boys. My hope is that I will train myself to be disciplined enough to intentionally be with them when I am with them. And my hope is that they will continue to see the value in a father is with them when he is with them.
And of course, I hope the same for you!
Normal is such a strong word.
Greetings friends!
One of the things people have been saying since I wrapped up my seminary career a few days ago is "Well, now you can get back to normal!" The truth is, I'm not even entirely sure what that means. I've been in school for 10 years! Do I have to get back to that normal? I took a break when I first started here at Westminster. Is that the normal I go back to? Or is it in fact better to invent a new normal, a prospect that is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time? I think the third option is the only way forward.
So I sat down this week and sketched out a new weekly schedule. What do my days look like? How exactly is it that I budget my time? What causes are going to fill in the time that Seminary used to take up, and which still need to be shelved? How much time do I give myself for creative endeavors, like writing or dreaming up new ideas for the coming ministry year? And how much am I willing to commit to this for the next two weeks before I take off for sabbatical, effectively pushing the reset button on all of it?
I'm not sure on all of those things. For sure this week I've already had more time to hang out with my little dudes, and that has meant the world to me. I'm sitting right now in a branch office, a practice that was huge for me before seminary got busy that I am really excited to bring back. I'm just out in the world, drinking coffee, and listening to old men complain about how cold it is in the Consol Energy Center, and writing. Oh writing! I have time to work on the craft that I am extremely passionate about! Blogging. Songwriting. The book that I've had bouncing around in my head. All are available.
And yet I recognize that the new normal is kind of a scary thing, and that I'm not alone in having to sort it out. Some of our dear readers are seminary students like me, or graduates from another school, and you will have to sort out a new normal. Some of you are looking for new jobs, and that requires a new normal. Some are watching their family expand, and that creates in and of itself a new normal. So while I find myself in the middle of the new normal with you, I invite you to do what I'm up to: breathe. Celebrate. Recognize the potential and the creative forces that awaken any time a new normal shows up on the scene. Celebrate the courage required to leave some old bad habits behind, and to dedicate yourself to some good ones. Don't disparage the old normal either, that doesn't help anyone. You are here because you went through there. Enjoy it.
And if you can, grab some coffee out in the world. It's beautiful out here!
It's Over!
Well that took some doing...
10 years ago, I set foot on Pittsburgh Theological Seminary's campus, a freshly graduated young punk who had no idea what I was doing. Probably way worse than not knowing what I was doing, I thought I knew what I was doing. There were some big mistakes and some false starts, so after I moved to Westminster I took some time off to reorganize, and get my feet under me. Then 6 years ago I made a triumphant return, and never looked back.
This morning at 7:30 AM, I submitted my last paper and got the heck out of dodge.
It's kind of a crazy feeling, to have worked on something for so long, and to finally come to the end. I so many more ways than I can count, I am a vastly different person than I was when I started ten years ago. Some of that is personal and professional. I've learned a lot about youth ministry from being on the job. I have kids now, which changes the game in so many ways. But a lot of who I've become comes from both the formal education I received at the seminary, as well as the informal life lessons that come along through the process. I've made some dear friends, both with the students and with the professors. I've worshiped with new people. I've tried new worship styles. I've prayed with people in deep and meaningful ways. All of this has had an impact on me.
But now I'm looking forward.
I'm looking forward to spending more time with my family. I'm looking forward to that time being spent with them not including me as a zombie like figure, too tired to really appreciate what's happening in front of me. I'm looking forward to putting my focus and my energy into youth ministry here at Westminster. I'm looking forward to being creative and resourceful when it comes to ministry, finding new ways to tell a very old and valuable story. I'm looking forward (believe it or not) to what remains of the ordination process. I'm looking forward to preaching more. I'm just looking forward, and it all looks very good.
Life comes at us in seasons. For as much as I preach against our culture's worshipping at the altar of busy-ness, I have recognized that this was a season where I had to work against my own preaching. But seasons end. This one's over, and I'm ready for what comes next!
Seminary Watch: 17
Seminary Watch: 18
I know I may be in the minority here, but I miss this guy...
Seminary Watch: 19
At least my seminary career has been largely devoid of injury...
Seminary Watch: 20
Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc....
Seminary Watch: 21
Fun fact: One of only two jerseys to be retried by the Penguins. I'm super glad this countdown isn't at 66...
Seminary Watch 22
Scary play...scary coach!
Seminary Watch: 23
Ok, truth be told there weren't a lot of choices for 23...
Seminary Watch: 24
With the ordination exams over with, there is a tremendous sigh of relief. We march on toward the goal!